Youth Camp

For any of you that might not know by now last week I went to my church's Youth Camp it was held at Wa-Floy retreat in Gatlinburg TN. I wasn't always planning on going to camp. On day, however, Mark was talking to the youth and telling them that at that time around 70 people were going to camp and so I just felt that I should go just to help out in whatever way I could. Back when I first came back to God I told Him that if there was something I could do to help His people that I would do it and well lets just say that this year things worked out that made it possible for me to go to camp, such as actually getting vacation time at work and all that, so it wasn't too hard for God to tell me to go.

I've never been to camp do needless to say I was a bit anxious about what everything that was done, none of this was helped by some of the accounts I got from some people that went in years previous. The first hurdle facing me was what was I going to do down at camp. This, of course, didn't take to long to figure out because since December of last year, I think, I have been learning and running sound for my church, which is rather awesome by. the way I truly do enjoy it. So I ask Mark if there was anything that needed to be done at camp and he told me they still needed a sound man if I wanted to do it, so I said I would. Its kind of funny the way I am sometimes even though the guy I'm learning the sound system from told me I'd do fine and Mark told me I'd do fine I was still kind of worried about it, I know now that it was utterly silly.

So last Monday morning we start the long drive to TN and to begin camp. The ride wasn't bad, of course I wasn't driving. Due to one of the other church's van breaking down the van I was riding in turned around to pick them up and so we got to the camp after everyone else did, and of course guess what my first concern was, thats right it was going to the chapel and setting up the sound stuff. Did I mention that I had never used this system before and it wasn't like the one I was used to at all, fun fun.

I was also one of the counselors for the boys down there which meant for me that I would room with people I didn't know. This wasn't helped by the reaction someone gave me when they learned who my guys were. It also didn't help that besides just barely knowing who one of them was I didn't know the other two, turns out I should have cause I fixed their computer. There were two other counselors in the room with us and I knew them better so it seemed to balance out a bit.

Well we go to chapel on Monday night and it was just awesome Mitch, who was the speaker, gave the alter call and I would estimate at least 2/3 to about 3/4 of the kids were up there the first night, this might have been my first camp but I knew this wasn't the norm God had to be there.

All my worries over the sound and the guys in my room were so foolish I can see that now. I should have known that God would be there no matter what happened, apparently these guys were supposed to be a handful but they weren't I couldn't have asked for them to be any better then they were. As far as the sound went it was rocky at first but I eventually got the hang of it. What impressed me the most about my campers was that even though I really didn't know their names they knew who I was and the youngest came up to me and said something like " Good morning Roger" I must admit I had to ask "Thanks, whats your name again".

Chapel on Tuesday, Mitch was preaching about something, think it was about turning everything over to Jesus or being a committed runner, whatever it was God used it to convict me of something. You see for a while now there has been this situation in my life, not a bad one, in fact it could be one of the best things to ever happen to me but God showed me through Mitch's message that I hadn't turned it over to Him, Jesus, and I was trying to make everything happen on my own and I wasn't actively seeking His face on the matter. So at alter call I went forward, at first I felt kind of silly as I stood you know I was a counselor here you know one of those that should have things together, but I didn't give it much thought I knew God was speaking and It is always dangerous to not listen when He speaks. I can tell you that there must have been a puddle under me on the alter with how much I cried and all. It was hard to give this up, because it required that I tell God that here it is, here is the thing that I want the most in this entire life and I love You too much to keep it back even if You decide to deny me this. Thats hard but its real too, maybe thats why sometimes church seems so fake because if we were to be real it'd hurt too much.

All of the services the whole week were like that God was moving in that place and it the hearts of those there. I was encouraged to see the guys in my room go up time and time again to pray and then to take the leap and be vulnerable to testify in front of almost 60 people, some of which they had never met. So Tuesday turned into Wednesday and yet again at chapel I felt God moving on me. This time I was convicted even before Mitch started to say anything. So I knew beyond all doubt that there was something God was speaking to my heart about. I don't even remember the message all I know is that as soon as the alter call was given boom i was up there no hesitation no thought about my status as Counselor as there had been the day before. I was down there praying and I was praying that God would remove somethings from my life, then Mark gets down there to pray with me and he ask me what I was praying about and I couldn't get it out, if you don't know usually I am a very closed off person when it comes to things close to my heart. Mark just simply said "You know you can tell me anything." Mark was right if there was one person at camp that I knew I could tell anything to he was it. So I firmly believe it was not an accident that he was praying with me.


So I tell him the two things that had been on my mind that I was praying for, one of which was fear of failure, and he said that out of the two he thought that was the stronger and that the other was mostly attached to that fear. So he instructed me to search out the root of that fear and ask Jesus into that place to remove the root, because everything else wasn't going to work. Then we prayed together. As I stood up though it was like the strength in my legs was gone I barely made it to my seat. So as everyone left I just had to sit there I couldn't stand much less walk. I know that this was God on the one hand reminding me of how weak I truly am and on the other forcing me to sit there and think upon the things He was showing me about what I prayed about.


As I was growing up my parents weren't always the model parents, they both worked long hours my dad during the day and my mom mostly at night, also my dad was an alcoholic and all that. So childhood doesn't bring a lot of pleasant images to mind. And thusly a wound was created in me because of these things, a fear of being alone was created inside my heart where the fear of failure was branching from. As God was showing me all this I could see as Mark probably saw as we where praying, that much of the bad things in my life much of all the evil that I had done stemmed from this place and I needed to ask Jesus into that place. So I did, I know that He has taken much of its sting out of me already and He is showing me things and working on me to remove it completely, don't get me wrong that root is dead now I firmly believe that Jesus killed it that day and now all that's left is clean up. The last thing Mark told me that I had to do after we prayed was I had to testify to this.


One thing you might want to know before I go on is that to my knowledge I had never testified before this time, so its not something that flows easily for me. That night there was a lot of people going up to testify and before chapel that night I had told God that if I was going to testify that He would have to get Mark to ask for anymore testimonies, and you know what God did it and I was faithful to my promise with God. I went up and testified for the first ever, as far as I remember, it was hard all those emotions from earlier were fresh and I could hardly stop from crying but by the grace of God I got it all out. I also testified in front of my church Sunday night and I testify to you who are reading this now.


The rest of the week was much like the first part chapel was always awesome and Friday touched me a lot too we had communion together and that is powerful. There are other stories but for now this is the end and if you made it this far thanks for reading.

Lost my mind? Perhaps!

Well, I'm reading a new book now, its pretty good I'm about half way done with it and every page is as interesting to me as the previous one. The book it "Chasing Daylight" by McManus and it is all about living a life that is fully alive. One of the statements that McManus makes is that life should be lived with intentionality, meaning we choose to live life and make active choices about moments then to just let them drift by.

I have I must admit been guilty of this in the past. For the longest time I have been a spectator watching my own life go by. There have been moments I can look back that if I had just applied more effort or done anything at all things might very well be different right now. Not saying that I'm in a bad place right now but I'm not really in a better place though either, its more like I'm stuck in neutral, or rather I have been for quite some time.

After making it only half way through the book my eyes have been opened to these kinds of things, not to say that I know all there is to know about such things. I just know that as long as God helps me I will use the strength that He has given me to live a life with as much life packed into it as possible. I have spent most of my years up to this point being continually instructed on what is good and just and pure and so forth, never have I really just said "Ok I know what I shouldn't do and what I should do so I'll go forth and do what I should." Now, I've had times when I would think this and it would last for a bit but then go away now however I resolve to walk forward with all I know to be good and to do that while still remaining open for God to show me other things.

One very scary comment that McManus makes multiple times in the book is that when you do what is right you are not always assured that you will succeed. This is perhaps what frightens us, both as individuals and as the church, the most the fact that we could do all that is right and good and just and still fail in the end. This has crossed my mind before and I am ready to make the statement that no matter if I fail or if I succeed I want to at least give it all I have. Gus once told me at work that if I was to reclaim my manager position I would have to work harder then anyone else that I would have to give nothing less then 100% or more even when I was only getting 12 hours a week and nothing seemed to be going good at all. You know what Gus was right because no matter what could be said it could never be said that I didn't try hard enough after that point.

I guess it has just taken me a long time to see the need in other areas of my life, and even longer I suppose to actually apply them to those areas. So now I've had a revolution of sorts with in my own heart, in many areas. In one such area I had almost given up hope but now I know that if I want anything to happen in this area, you know the whole me finding a girlfriend then wife thing, that it will demand of me all the courage that I can call forth and require that I step out of what is comfortable to me, to appear as if I have lost my mind, and to then leave all the results in the hands of God, because ultimately He decides if and when He shows up and if I am to be with the one He has for me then He will need to show up more then ever before.

So if you who read this see me in the real world and you can see my courage falter then hit me real hard and tell me to live, or at the very least tell me to live. Or if you see me do things that on the surface appear to be out of character for me, and it is good not bad mind you, then know that I have and I haven't lost my mind.

I Passed!!

Title says it all, I have finally passed the certification test and as soon as the papers are faxed in I will be a full-fledged manager. Its over I never have to take those horrible tests again :)

Saviour Machine - SM 2 - Ceremony

Ok heres the deal I'm going to post the lyrics to a song I like and let you all tear it apart in the comments :)


You have the right to remain silent, anything you say
Can and will be used against you in a court of law.
To strip away the myth from the man is only dealing
With the symptoms in this critical condition, the disease
is untouched.

You saw what they did to me,
Don't tell me to forget.
Have you no sense of decency?
How can you justify arrest?

And now the charges are enraged
(Within this ceremony)
Imprisoned with a kiss, betrayed
(Within this ceremony)
The crucifixion of the faith
For all the loved ones left unnamed
We fought to give them life,
We touched the very soul
In the ancient funeral, The ceremony rites.

His faith relentlessly attacked and discredited
When your enemy can find a way of twisting your
Motives, believe he will.
To be convicted without fatal charm's infection,
When the perfect light upon him was corrupted by void,
Self-righteously judged.
To die in the line of duty, I am complete in its truth.
If you have died to the world, what can the world do
to you?

Into the darkness of the night
(Begins the ceremony)
Into the shadow of a dream
(Begins the ceremony)
Announce the coming of the white prophet and take
This cup away from me,
And stand in the light the superstar beholds,
In the ancient funeral, the ceremony rites.

We are conceived as the first circle, the book of
Knowledge surely tells,
We are all part of an unseen conflict within the world
And within ourselves.

And now we're closer to the light
(Release this ceremony)
And now we must prepare the way
(Release this ceremony)
Remove the ancient boundaries to give the son of man
His day,
To roll away the stone and rise to the throne
In awaited resurrection, the Ceremony rites.

Dreams

I have a feeling that we, Christians, in America don't understand what it truly means to suffer for the sake of Jesus. I myself can't say that I know. One thing I do know is that eventually the dream will end.
One day the tidal wave of persecution will hit the shores of America in all it's fury and terror. I just pray that in that day we can turn to God and stand strong through that dark hour.

Football Math

Super Bowl + New England = EPIC FAIL!!!!!!!