Pretty good video

I found this video on Godtube, yes I got bored and looked around, its actually pretty good. Watch it if you want.

Hold on. "But my fingers are tired!"

Well first off sorry for the long absence things have just been going on and on, and yes I am still alive.

So I was in the youth service tonight and it was alright I guess. The subject matter I must confess was at least at first a little hard for me to sit through. You see it was about significant others and all that. Well the leader asked a bunch of questions about significant others and I didn't raise my hand for any of them, and for good reason as one who has never had a Significant other the questions really didn't apply to me.


Here comes the hard part though the other half of the room for some reason thought that we either were not participating or whatever which is fine by and large if thats what you're doing. Trust me I am not given to really care what most people think, but the kicker here was that, even if to answer a question in a negative way, it would have felt good to at least be able to answer at least one truthfully.


Don't get me wrong I fully endorse going over such things in a church setting because we all know that we get far too much input on such matters from the world and hardly any from the church. I just mean how long must a person hold on to hope for things to happen until they have to let go.

The leader said something that on the one hand gave me hope but on the other made me angry, he said "I believe that everyone has someone out there for them." This may not be word for word as he said but its close enough. The reason this statement makes me angry is the fact that I'm like wait how long does someone have to wait to see any movement in this area.

Don't get me wrong I'm not opposed to waiting it just seems like that area has died for me there seems to be not even breathe of life left in it. I don't ask for much just something to tell me that hope isn't dead yet. I don't know maybe its the holiday season that has such thoughts on my mind for they were there before the message tonight, or maybe I've finally gone crazy, I almost wish for that then at least I'd have a reason to be this way.

Well thats what's on my mind as of now, sorry its kind of sad, but I did promise honesty didn't I.

So I've been thinking

As the title says I've been thinking, what about you might ask, well about Revelation and all that stuff. To give some background I have been listening to Saviour Machine, really cool Christian band, and they have three albums out so far going through the book of Revelation, a friend of mine gave me the third one and I've listened to it all the way through about 3-4 times already.
Anyway, after all that I decided to go and read through Revelation again its been forever since i have. You know what I'm coming to suspect? I am coming to suspect that, if there will be a "rapture" of the church, and I'm not fully convinced at this point either way, that it would at most be mid or even late Trib at best.
The reason I say this is many times it says, at least in my translation, many times that the saints must endure and hold fast to their faith in Jesus, keep in mind this is said in the midst of all the seals and trumpets and I think even a few of the bowls. So that statement would suggest that the saints are still on Earth and what is the church but the body of all the saints. Also I am of the persuasion that much of Revelation is more literal then figurative. I won't go into that much here but part of the reason I say that is what takes more faith the fact that God actually showed John what actually was happening or just used images to get it across.
Again I can't say if I am persuaded 100% that all these are correct just what I'm thinking of right now.

The way things are now

Well in case any of you didn't know I've gone back to classes and to be honest I'm having fun so far granted its only the first week. Things at work haven;t changed much, no official word on the management position yet. However, we did hire a new guy the other day and to be honest at first I didn't know what to think he's really into the goth subculture and while I haven't seen him wear the makeup yet he has piercings and such. Well two of the managers at work were telling me that from what they know he is really into God and everything. At first I didn't believe them, part of my human failings showing up, but God has for awhile now been getting me to the point where I don't just write people off.

So I trained this guy on Tuesday and I would have to say that he is one of the most unashamed people I've met in awhile when it comes to God and just who he is as a person. So we got to talking and I learned some stuff about him that if I were to just write him off I would never have known. So I'm thankful that God brings these people into our lives sometimes to shake things up a bit.

A little back story before I start another story. Well for awhile now I've been struggling with some old things and a fear of sorts about standing up and being counted, a lot of that had to do with these old things. So on Wednesday at service Mark brings in this cross right and after a lesson and some discussion he tells everyone to bow their heads and close their eyes and proceeds to give us the opportunity to come forward and in both a physical and spiritual sense nail things to the cross. You know how sometimes you're not sure if you should go up and then other times you know beyond doubt that you had better jump up there, well that was one of those you'd better jump up there times for me almost before Mark stopped talking I was up there.

I know its only been a couple of days since then but I know without doubt that those things are left there. I've my commitment to not only "be a Christian" but to follow after God and to fight when and where He tells me to. I don't know what God will have me do but I do know that when He tells me I'll do it.

So one of the questions that I have know is, how do you know if God is calling you to do something? Can it be like you hear about something, such as an injustice somewhere or something like that and a fire roars up in you? I don't know but if it is what I feel then I might one day become involved in politics not to pursue my own goals but to be kind of like Josiah in the Old Testament, who turned God's people back to Him by tearing down all the high places or something like that. Like I said I'm not sure but thats been in the back of my mind off and on for a while. I would ask those of you who believe to pray for me so that I might know what God would have me do, because what I need now more then anything is direction.

Praise God!!

Well in case you all didn't know lately finances have been kind of tight for me. I thank you all for your suggestions but part of me just doesn't want to leave CiCi's right now I dont know maybe something about being there for 5 years. But, thats not the point of this for starters God has brought it along my path to allow me to unlock and lock up the church for which I get $20 a week which helps out a good deal. Then tonight at work Pat asked me if I thought of becoming a manager again and I was floored i haven't said yes yet but I think I might, this would greatly improve my financal situation and for all this all I can say is that its God I mean for a long time I've done just about all I could and nothing seemed to change but now it seems that things are.

Help!!

So I have a question and trust me it sounds silly to me, what do you do when there is someone who likes you but you really don't like them? It gets even better when you add to the equation that you like someone else but you're pretty sure they don't like you, I know it sounds a like high-schoolerish but thats how things are right now.
I know God has a plan and all that I mean I even believe it was Him who gave me the verse psalms 32:8 it reads, in my cool NLT bible, "The Lord says, 'I will guide you along the best pathway for your life. I will advise you and watch over you." I say this was God giving it to me cause I know I wouldn't have found it any other way. Even with this the question still remains, is it because I'm not listening or that I'm to impatient, I don't know.
I know that only about two people ever read this and I'm sure they already know about all this but sometimes we have a tendency not to help unless its asked for, well here it is could you please help me, even if you have no advise just how you see things it would be helpfully. Just had to get this off my chest, there is more to it so if you want anymore detail let me know I'd be more then glad to tell you. The only time we truly become fools is when we cease to ask for help.

Its been a loooooooooooooooong week

So yeah like the title says this past week has been extremely long, I had work of course and VBS and other stuff too. Its been all good though. My birthday was Tuesday and that seemed to be the longest day of all.
Ok a little story on Tuesday I had to prep, which for those that don't know what its like its probably as close to cruel and unusual punishment as you can get without breaking the law, ok maybe not that but near enough especially on your birthday. I had a really hard horrible day at work Tuesday, and part of me didn't want to go and work VBS, but I went. It was simply amazing I was so stressed on Tuesday but as I drove to church that night and as the service went on and being with the kids and all, that stress seemed to melt away. The turning point I believe that night was as we were singing in service and this year the music was done differently it was worship music instead of the little kids songs with the motions and all that. But, as we were singing it was like the burden of all that had happened earlier that day just melted. I know this had to be God because there is nothing else that explains it, and from then on the last part of the day was at least 20 times better then the first part.
The whole week has been like that. I would have to say even though I had to watch little kids and all that I can almost bring myself to say that it was all fun. Oh yeah and I also went to the bookstore and picked up this really cool Christian metal band called Becoming the Archetype they are awesome!!! I might say more later but for now have a good day.

Good News

For you that don't know for awhile I was about to give up on the whole college thing. I just got really tired of all the classes seemingly teaching nothing at all but what I've already heard like a hundred times. However, today I went to ITT Tech and went through the whole tour and interview thing and I kind of liked it. So I took the admissions test and was accepted now all I have to do is go next Thursday for financial aid, if I get enough then come September I will be a student at ITT Tech.
The field I chose for my associates over there is Information Technology: Computer Network Systems, which I'm almost really excited about. Its been about five years since I've been excited about college and all that, so I really hope the financial aid works out. Thats all for now, have fun till next time. :)

Time of Trial...? maybe

For some reason things haven't been going well at work and such. Which leads me to thinking that this could be a time where, for lack of a better term, I am being tested to see if this faith which i claim to have is real.
Well, lets start with the fact that if you, being anyone reading this, didn't know I work at a restaurant so needless to say I don't make a lot of money but for a long time I have made enough to cover all the things that need be covered. I should say that God has provided me enough to get through each month. So when I went into work last Friday to check my schedule for this week I find that the owner only put me on for 11 hours, this really shocked me and to be honest made me rather angry because we've talked many times and I've told him I need at least 25 hours a week. So he goes and adds one more day so I'm at around 16 hours this week, little better but still not enough.
On Saturday the opening manager talks to me, we've worked together for about 5 years now so often times he treats me more like a friend then an employee, and it turns out that the reason my hours where being cut were because the owner didn't think I was doing a good enough job. This comes as complete shock to me just for the fact that I work really hard I give that place all I can give it and still that not enough. Then when you couple this with the fact that on Thursday a guest tried to assault me just for telling him he couldn't get coke in his water glass, he did actually hit me but he only hit my forehead and knocked my hat off. This is strangely one of the things that happened last week that I know God was there because I really wanted to hit the guy and everyone in the store said that they would've hit him but thankfully God did not allow me to hit him there is no telling what might have happened after that.
So with all these things going on its hard at times to keep a smile on my face. I know God is still there and thats the only comfort I can find most of the time. So as I said before I feel like I'm in one of those times where what is really in you gets tested, if this is so I hope with God's grace I can pass this test and come out the other side more then a conqueror.
Hopefully I didn't depress any of you reading this I hope you all have a good day.

First Things First

Just decided today to put something up here seeing that someone, you know who you are, has been nagging me to put something up. My first thought was to just write a big SOMETHING across the page but thats a little old even for me.
On a serious note I will post to this thing sometimes, I'm a very closed person and anyone who's known me for a time will probably tell you this. Just wanted to post here today and lay out what I have planned to use this for. The first thing is that I find it much easier to sit here and type about things that are close to me and as I know more then likely the only ones that'll read this are my friends this will be a way of me sharing my thoughts that I find difficult to say in person at times. Also I put anything new I'm learning about God or my thoughts about certain things that I've heard about God or the church or Bible whatever.
All I ask from those that read this is if you post follow the old adage, say what you mean and mean what you say, by that I mean that I want you to be honest don't coat your words with sugar to make them easier to swallow because that means nothing, and don't use empty words these are words that we all find ourselves using to ease another's feelings when we don't know what to say these to have no meaning.
With all that said I'm off here for now, if you're lucky I post real soon I do have some things on my mind but being willing to type those is different.